29-May-2014 (Thu) Wherein the coffin has nothing to do with the impending witch hunt.

On Monday, some crackhead lingered around outside of Death Guild all night trying to sell a coffin. Eventually the goths took up a collection and paid him $300 for it. He was asking $500. It wasn't even a cool coffin. And no, it did not appear to have been used.

You people. I can't even.

Apparently the Bar Rescue people have been sniffing around town. They called us, too. I'm sure that will go every bit as well as the Real World invasion did.

And here's some great news: apparently ABC has been bragging for months about how they're about to bring drug charges against "five large SF clubs", so we're all waiting for the shoe to drop on that one and find out who they're running their sting on.

In the past, the way these operations have gone is like this: an undercover ABC agent says to the bartender, "Hey man, do you know where I can buy THE DRUGS?" and the bartender says, "I dunno, go ask someone else." Then he goes and asks someone else and is eventually able to buy something, and testifies in court, "The bartender directed me where to buy drugs." And who's the judge going to believe, the cop or the bartender?


Some recent photo galleries:

Farewell, My Love
Terminator Too
Point Break Live
Point Break Live
Mammoth Life
Hubba Hubba
Bootie: Britney Night
Black Star Riders
Anti-Nowhere League
Bootie Prom

5 Responses:

  1. nooj says:

    some crackhead lingered around outside of Death Guild all night trying to sell a coffin. Eventually the goths took up a collection and paid him $300 for it.

    Both of these sentences can be made more hilarious by adding photographic evidence.

    I mean, how does a crackhead keep a coffin from blocking the sidewalk? Park it at a meter? Did he pay for coffin parking, or did the cyclists share the bike rack, because hey, at least it's not a car?

    • Check Death Guild's Facebook group. The purchase was a joke that was never supposed to work, but once that snowball was on the hillside...

  2. reboots says:

    Bar Rescue descended upon Austin's local tiki-themed shithole metal bar, Headhunters, reinventing it as "steampunk lounge" Metal and Lace in a baffling and traumatizing makeover. I thought it might be a temporary coat of gloss for SXSW 2013, but the joke continued until Headhunters shut down this April.

    Here's a pretty funny story about Bar Rescue and Headhunters, which did have legitimately terrible Yelp reviews:

    Bar infested by hundreds of thousands of cockroaches, roach eggs, feces and carcasses – even INSIDE the liquor bottles (NYDailyNews.com)

    I don't think Bar Rescue is qualified to do DNA Lounge any favors.

    • jwz says:

      "Market research works," say Taffer. "There’s a steampunk niche scene in Austin there’s an audience. We don’t make these decisions in a dark room."

      Hee hee.

      I was never in that place, because they only booked shitty metal bands, but I did laugh at it pretty much every time I walked by.

      • nooj says:

        If memory serves, that was next to a late-night pizza place. But then about half the bars in Austin turn over regularly.

        One night my friends and I giggled over the antics of a very drunk Headhunters regular who had threatened a friend of the owner or something and been thrown out. I was amazed at the drunkard's ability to simultaneously have a civil conversation with the bouncer who was physically restraining him, and screaming obscenities and death threats into the bar. What amazed me more is how the bouncer managed to avoid a fight and the cops, and not lose a single customer.

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