8-Mar-2011 (Tue) Wherein we have passed the point of no return.

Today I handed over the first of a series of large-ish checks, and in return received the keys to the pizza place.

In order to facilitate the existence of wifi on our existing network next door, our electrician drilled a hole from the DNA office to the pizza place's office. Unfortunately, the architect's measurements were... a little bit off. (The pizza building is 2' shorter than the DNA building! Surprise!) So, when the hole came through the wall, it ended up in the DNA's front office instead of the back office. So a detour had to be made. Here's what we ended up with:

And yes, he did drill right through that driver's license! That's the girl's face hanging from the conduit like a necklace. Our electrician is awesome.

Some day there will be a really bitchin' sign here:

The front room upstairs is actually pretty nice! It has often been office space. The back room... we won't discuss that right now. But it's like one of Dexter's kill rooms without the tidy charm or good lighting.

We have another awesome sliding fire-door! It's even the same manufacturer as the door downstairs. But this one is more awesome because the counter-weight is still attached, so it opens and closes easily!

As you can see, it's walled over, but you can still see the other side of it if you look closely. Go into the upstairs lounge at DNA, stand about five feet from the bathroom door, and look to the right. You can see the outline of the doorway on the wall.

You can also detect a... complication. You'll note that the bottom of the doorway is about a foot above DNA's floor. That's because the upstairs floors of the pizza building don't even remotely line up with DNA's. At the back of the building, the pizza place is about a foot higher, and at the front it seems to be more like 3' or 4'.

I do not like this complication. Not one bit.

Here's something I never expect that I would own:

Here's something else I never expect that I would own. This is a no joke mixer. This mixer has no sense of humor whatsoever. It is Serious Business.

And this is a cheese grater. It also has no time for your shenanigans. It may surprise you to learn that a pizza restaurant grates a lot of cheese.

Plumbers truly are masters of the avant-garde. What the fuck. I mean seriously, what the fuck. This is some Dr. Seuss engineering right here.

Here's the real reason we bought the pizza place: so we can park our ATM there and get fat off of those delicious, delicious service fees. (Ha ha, only serious.)

While installing it, Alexis had to fend off a couple of aggro crackheads with his screwdriver. I'm not making this up.

And then the most amazing thing happened. While opening the garage door, it fell suddenly closed and began making the most fascinating noise. Jay ventured up into the ceiling crawlspace to investigate, and found the cause: this big fucking spring broke. This spring, apparently, makes the door go up and down. And please don't think I'm exaggerating here, because when I say "big fucking spring" I mean it's like twelve feet long and six inches across:

I think it's probably as old as the building itself. I also think it's probably expensive. This happened like two hours after we got the keys. This restaurant is broken. Maybe I should send it back.

At least this place is pre-loved. Well broken in. A real fixer-upper. Lots of room for improvement.


Many photos of our last regular New Wave City are also up now. We will see them again, though: I think the next NWC at DNA will probably be in July. But this does mean you can get your Bootie on four times a month!

16 Responses:

  1. Jim Sweeney says:

    If I need to grate some cheese --strictly for personal use-- can I come over and use the serious cheese-grater?

  2. Mallory Mew Grogan says:

    i am so excited for this!! someone tell that mixer a joke... just put eric in front of it for a few hours, i'm sure it'll crack. but maybe not in the best way...

  3. fantasygoat says:

    Imagine my shock at learning there were complications!Congrats none the less. Enjoy your many pounds of grated cheese!

  4. Andy says:

    Savage Aural Hotbed makes awesome music with those springs. I don't think they make good music once they're broken, though.

  5. b4 says:

    So I guess my old office is just as I left it then?

  6. Elusis says:

    I love this show.

  7. Your writeups are way more interesting than any of those reality shows about real estate that my wife has been watching. Can't you just get a TV deal and make money on the whole experience instead of losing it?

  8. Mark Lyon says:

    A sign? Come on. We all know there will be no sign. Nor should there be.

  9. emeb says:

    The big spring on our garage door broke once - looked very similar to that. Cost ~$600 to fix, although I'd imagine that due to time and space offsets that figure is low compared to what you'll face. The guy who replaced it had all sorts of horror stories to tell about what happens when inexperienced folks try to DIY those springs.Maybe you can save the pieces and have a sculptor make something cool with them. Visualize them welded to the new sign.

  10. I'm so jealous of the Hobart mixer. Here's a link in case you need
    inspiration for the pizzas.

  11. cms says:

    You may have attracted a fanboy-plumber who really digs the xscreensaver 'pipes' hack.

  12. Thomas Lord says:

    Oh, geeze, nice of them to leave that fry oil.

    Is there going to be a cooking-smell barrier twixt the two spaces when they're joined? Cause if you got a rack to hold the half-fried baskets you could do a mini version of O's. (Get the slice size right, brine, drain, half-fry, rack-up-baskets, fry-to-order. Yum.)

  13. Joe Thompson says:

    The artistic plumbing reminds me of some of the things that have been featured on There, I Fixed It.

  14. Matthew Borgatti says:

    I, for one, welcome our new pizza overlords.

  15. Rick Hargett says:

    Enjoying the updates. Looking forward to a pizza night soon. re: plumbing: Definitely a Seuss style "There, I Fixed It". http://thereifixedit.failblog.org/

  16. Jeremy Nimmo says:

    Can't really complain about what the sparkie's done there. Would you rather have lame white plastic conduit covering up the genius of architects for failing to understand how [things happening in buildings]/so-called 'utilities' work. Mean.