15-Mar-2007 (Thu) Wherein we desire to suckle the corporate teat.

I've started embedding YouTube clips in the calendar, underneath the event descriptions. How's that working out for you? How does it make you feel?

The idea here is that when you're looking at the calendar and see something unfamiliar, the easier we make it for you to see/hear what that band or event is all about, the more likely you are to show up. And embedding YouTube is a whole lot less trouble (technical, and legal) than hosting representative MP3s or something. It needs to be right there, since very few people will bother to click through the links to the band's web site or (shudder) MySpace page to try and find samples the hard way.

Also, tell me if you know of embeddable clips for events that don't have one, or better replacements for the ones I already have.

I'm still not all that happy with the layout of the calendar pages, and never have been. I like the menu this site has over on the left side, but I don't like that it results in there being a wide black stripe down most of the calendar pages. The page is already pretty wide, and recovering that space would be nice. But the only idea I have that wouldn't look like ass is to change the whole site to use a navigation bar at the top instead, of a menu on the left. I think that making that look good would probably require leaving out half or more of the links that are currently in the menu.

I'm sure a lot of you reading this fancy yourselves "web designers", so why don't you send me some mockups of your better ideas?

(Suggestions I've gotten a lot include: "Fill up the top part with some giant space-waster to justify pushing the entire calendar down onto the second page, under the menu, where it can be flush left." That's a fine idea except for the "space waster" and "second page" parts. Another is: "Float the menu, so that the calendar wraps around it." This is only suggested by people who haven't actually tried it and seen how crappy it looks.)

I had dinner with a friend the other day, and she mentioned that she was in the process of planning her software company's Christmas party, and that she'd been talking to another San Francisco venue. I asked her, "Why haven't you called DNA?", and she said, "Oh, I didn't know you guys did that sort of thing." And I died a little. She went on to say, "Yeah, they're making it totally easy: we just give them $[five_digit_number] and they give us free food and booze, it's a no-brainer." That's when I started crying.

I mean, for that kind of money, we'll even buy tablecloths.

We really, really need to get on the radar of corporate types who want to put on company and industry parties for holidays, trade shows, product releases... we've done that sort of thing a few times, and we're good at it, but what we've not been good at is courting the people who throw those events. They don't know we're here.

You! You there! With the job at the dot-com two-dot-oh company! We will help you party. Call.

We also do weddings.

32 Responses:

  1. mc_kingfish says:

    Burlesque shows make excellent entertainment for coporate parties.

    I'm just sayin'.

    • baconmonkey says:

      all your guys can wear kitty ears and do an act called "the fat cats" where you start out in speedos, and glue money to yourselves. The corporate set would love that.

      • dasht_brk says:


        Adding entertainment to the list of things you make so easy as to be a "no-brainer" seems like a "no-brainer".

        What about non-off-night events for small-enough events? Set aside space. Let proceedings start early and drift into the public event. Sponsorship: can't afford to rename the ball-park? How about naming a night at DNA?

        For that matter, and less on the "corp. events" topic -- you generate a certain amount of content with decent licensing. Um..., say, I might be able (mostly by pointing at various providers but maybe by middlemanning a little bit) to help connect that to some production, reproduction mfg. and distribution, and mktg services. (I'd personally rather be in talent discovery/development/production but, roughly in the same sense I'd rather be a really kick-ass guitar player/front-man :-)


  2. evan says:

    I like how the "why don't corporations like us" is adjacent to a post with a woman drinking blood from a skull.

  3. hafnir says:

    Nice Dildos YouTube link - thanks!

  4. violentbloom says:

    what can you do for 20 and a 4000 budget including dinner?

  5. baconmonkey says:

    Devilettes video doesn't allow embedding. try clicking it.

  6. cwilllu says:

    Make up several hundred 8.5"x5.5" flyers on light card-stock, and contact the food delivery shops (aka, pizza shops) that delivery to the neighbourhoods where said corporate bigwigs live/work. Make arrangements to have them include one of your flyers with each order, in exchange for some perk (recommending their store when customers ask, giving some discount to the manager, stuff like that).

    Make sure that they consider the deal worthwhile, although being a bar gives you an advantage here. Consider letting the shop in on the deal (making and delivering the food for the event), as this is probably the best way to get them actively promoting you. Franchises are compared on their sales numbers, and an extra hundred in sales is worth it to them.

    The flyer should be a package deal at some fixed price ("totally easy", emphasize the price). Don't do something silly like requiring them to have the flyer to get the deal.

    This will be effective as long as they're only already sending one or two flyers (their own coupons generally).
    (Reply to this

    • strspn says:

      Paper is so second millennium.

      Recommend regular posts to Craigslist: Nothing found for that search and you should be here too.

      Please donate 10% of the profits from this brilliant suggestion to me. Thanks in advance.

      • dasht_brk says:

        both in this thread are good ideas but... you have to watch out because there are gazillions of little "good ideas" in marketing for small/medium businesses and you might be surprised how rapidly printing up cards or taking out ads can turn into a huge money pit. So, you think, well, just monitor what works -- apply the scientific method. Yes, but, that ain't free either. Think tiny, tiny margins and then let the product designs inform the choices. A common rule of thumb is to pick a commonly-accepted best-practices mktg. budget, meditate a lot, and then take crap-shoots. Being wise to the world as jwz is, he's (evidently) not bad at all at picking horses.

        Hey, this could be a new blog! Let's all dissect the DNA business model!


        • strspn says:

          I've been suckling the Bay Area corporate teat for a couple decades, as a contractor who's seen dozens of diverse shops. The one constant is that when the facilities manager or exec admin is told to plan an event, they go the same place they would if they need something for their car or an extra freezer: Craigslist. Nobody bothers with paper anything.

      • strspn says:

        I'm joking about the 10%. Please post here weekly. Seriously. Is there any reason not to? It's free, anonymizes your email, and you can ad your best photos and kilobytes of text with your rates and everything. I'm sure you know how ingrained Craigslist is around here. No way will you regret it.

  7. kyronfive says:

    I like the YouTube thingie. I just wish there was a clip of "East West" on YouTube because it would be *much* better promo for the Armageddon Dildos show than "In My Mind".

  8. boonedog says:

    Just make a nice presentation package and send it to all the HR offices around SF and Silicon Valley. Use all that icky corporate-speak about how they need to "think outside the box" and "shake things up to boost morale" and show lots of color, glossy photos of beautiful people partying it up with blue and orange mixed drinks. Then create a couple "party packages" (drinks/catering/dj at a certain price) and give them stupid, catchy names. I'm serious. It'll make you want to go fumigate yourself, but at the same time I bet you'll get at least one corporate party. Then it's just word of mouth through the cubicles ...

  9. The embedded YouTube clips are brilliant, I think.

  10. naturalborn says:

    Have you thought of hiring a professional to do your corporate bookings? You might even be able to get one to work on commision.

    • dasht_brk says:

      because that wouldn't at all rapidly devolve into nauseating SV-style incestual disfunctionalism.

      Well, it would in most cases. And then there's the "professionals" who can reliably increase yr bookings for 6m, collecting a premium fee based on projections that assume that growth (and collect a bonus for the 6m result), using techniques that trash your brand down the road.

      I mean yes, but, no, but, yes. Nothing is easy in retail.


  11. omni_ferret says:

    Are you still restricted from letting minors in the building?

  12. May I humbly suggest moving the navigation to the right side?

  13. fantasygoat says:

    The DNA isn't exactly a HoJo. Aren't you already one strike down with your dark, gritty and industrial aesthetic?

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