16-Feb-2020 (Sun)
Wherein we AVOID SPIKES

We finally got the Tempest machine up and running again! That took literally a year. Also we've printed some posters of the Cyberdelia flyer since that image is so '133t. They will be for sale at the party, or you can buy them online now. (Do you have your tickets yet? Reserved seating is nearly sold out!)

Also, enjoy some photo galleries.

Hubba Hubba Holiday
Beard & Mustache Championship
Bootie NYE
ICP Ball
Hubba Hubba: Murder Mansion
Monday Hubba

¿Qiensave? + Cuevo Pérez + Impractical
Sequence: Wobbleland Pre-Party
Eliminate + Carbin
Ritual SF: Antiserum & Gladkill
Mortiis + Tomb
Star Crash: Sophia Prise + Vice Reine + Host Bodies

We made a batch of limited edition DNA Lounge Thirty-Fifth Anniversary buttons! A bargainous 50¢ each -- get them while they last. Also available at coat check.


5-Feb-2020 (Wed)
Wherein we HACK THE PLANET.

That's right, we're throwing another CYBERDELIA on Friday, February 28 -- which is just four weeks from now! It's a bit short notice, so please help us out by sharing this far and wide.

The last time we threw this party was three years ago, but now it's the 25th anniversary of the release of HACKERS, so we're going all-out this time.

  • A screening of Hackers at 7pm;
  • Hackers costume contest at 10:45pm;
  • Head-to-head Wipeout XL competition throughout the night;
  • Skate ramps! Rollerblades welcome!
  • Psytrance dance party in all four rooms, until late!

This is also the closing night of the RSA conference, so if you're in town for that, you've really got no excuse. (Would your company like to sponsor this and make it your official after party? Let's talk.)

Reserved seating for the movie is extremely limited, so get your tickets now...

Keep your eyes out for the flyers, which are the finest flyers you're ever going to find, hand-crafted and burned by me from new and used floppy disks. Normally flyers cost pennies each, but these cost like a dollar fifty, so we don't hand out too many of them. You can help us keep that cost down by participating in our FLOPPY DISK AMNESTY PROGRAM! That's right, surrender your used 3.5" floppies at the club and I will transubstantiate them into sweet-ass Cyberdelia promo material:

Also if you have any 90s hacker-scene memorabilia you'd like to donate as prizes for the costume contest, that would be awesome. You know: old laptops, blue boxes, a complete run of Mondo 2000, a CM-5, that sort of thing.

We have a new monthly live synthpop event starting tomorrow called Star Crash. it promises to be a good time, and the opening lineup is great! Here's what they have to say for themselves:

S T A R C R A S H

Live sets by Bay Area artists Sophia Prise, Vice Reine, Host Bodies & Containher. Live visuals by Fetz.

Announcing STARCRASH: a new monthly party, every Third Thursday in 2020 at DNA Lounge, starting January 16. It will feature live performances by established & emerging musicians from the Bay Area & beyond in an array of electronic genres including synthpop, indie dance, indie pop, synthwave, electroclash, chillwave, and more.

Influenced by cult/sci-fi cinema, Starcrash will be a ritzy, glitzy affair bringing campy, over-the-top futuristic glamour to one of SF's most beloved night clubs, DNA Lounge. Starcrash seeks to bring together & build on the existing synth music community, elevate local artists, and give real-world context to music that exists increasingly adrift in a digital world of streaming & social algorithms.

Starcrash is led by booker/promoter Remi X. DeVice (frontwoman of SF-based synthpop trio Vice Reine) along with April Gee (Containher, Synthesthesia, the Labyrinth Ball) & Leanne Kelly (New Spell). Remi X. says of the inspiration for Starcrash: "We want to unite local synth musicians and music lovers in a beautiful club every month as we create our own "cinematic universe". Starcrash is about pushing forward to create the world we want to see... to a future that isn't terrible... or at least having a hell of a party as it all goes down."

Get your tickets now! You can also win tickets at Do The Bay. It's at #4 on their list right now, so give it an up-vote, won't you?

This week we also have three official Wobbleland pre- and after-parties, on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, if the wubbity wubbity wubwubwubstep is more your jam. Secret line-ups to be announced late on the day of each show. (Ticket prices will be going up...)

And also this Saturday afternoon, we're hosting the West Coast Classic Beard & Mustache Championship. It's like a hair show, but from the nose down! This should be quite a thing to see.

Finally, always close with a poop joke.

I must share this video of, as Boing Boing put it, "Magnificent steel toilet flushes forty golf balls with ease." Turn the sound up, you won't be disappointed. This looks to be the same model as our toilets; if not, it's the same design.

HOWEVER, I can tell you for sure that these feats of plumbing excellence have little to do with the toilet: it's all about the drains. Toilets, like the Internet, are a Series of Tubes.

Remember that time we flushed a video camera? And remember that time you flushed your cell phone?

People give our toilets a lot of shit, but let me remind you that they are all twenty years old and they all still work! That's really quite impressive. These days you're not likely to find any appliance with that kind of stamina. Or even one that won't gleefully sell you out to a Moldovan botnet.

Some time ago I walked by one of those "Free Flu Shots" signs, and I thought, we should be doing that at the club!

People come here to sweat on each other, become sleep-deprived and swap saliva. Basically we're where you come to get the flu, so why shouldn't we try to do our part to get ahead of that problem? Let people get their flu shot on the way into the club or on the way home. After all, it's not uncommon for organizations like DanceSafe or H.E.A.R. to set up their table at clubs, either inside or outside, to help people take care of themselves. This should be a no-brainer!

Well, it was very hard to get answers, but after investigating this off-and-on for over a year, I think we've learned that it's impossible.

One of our bartenders is a registered nurse, so our first thought was, does her accreditation allow her to just set up a table and stick people? She looked into it and the answer, unsurprisingly, is "Hahahahaha no."

It appears that the only people who adminster those "free" flu shots are Walgreens and CVS. And while they advertise that they'll come to your office and do your employees, it was hard to tell whether they'll come on site to do that for the general public, let alone at night. But after some phone calls, the answer seems to be yes?

But here's the problem: those free flu shots aren't free. They're covered by most insurance, but if you don't have insurance, or proof of insurance, they're $40 each.

First off, that pretty much makes this plan a non-starter, because most people don't think to bring proof of insurance with them when they're going out clubbing, and no way are they gonna pay forty bucks for it. I'm sure some people just carry that with them everywhere, but the chances of that go down the skimpier the outfit gets.

Bur second, WHY ISN'T THIS FREE? What kind of Libertarian hellscape is this that thinks that herd immunity works if you only immunize people who have insurance?? Spoiler alert, it doesn't, watch this video:

The best way for you not to get the flu is for everyone else to get a flu shot. Even if you don't care about anyone but yourself, you still want that herd immunity to be out there to protect you. That's why the Randian philosophy of "I got mine, fuck you" doesn't work when applied to disease prevention. (Or anything else.)

So we outsourced this to for-profit supermarkets instead of letting SFDPH administer it as a matter of... public health. Cool, cool.

I'll bet this also means that it's just about impossible for the homeless to get flu shots.

If you watch just one Dickens parody this holiday season, let it be this one:


What's most surprising about this story is that the DOJ is actually pursuing antitrust action. That's very off-brand for this administration. Hasn't the DOJ been dismantled by now? Maybe this means that Live Nation forgot to renew their Mafia-a-Lago membership.

DOJ preparing legal action against Live Nation

The U.S. Justice Department is preparing to take legal action against Live Nation Entertainment on allegations the concert promoter has sought to strong-arm concert venues into using its dominant Ticketmaster subsidiary. The department believes the concert promoter's conduct has violated the merger settlement Live Nation and Ticketmaster reached with the government in 2010 and plans to file a decree enforcement action, the source said. [...]

The Justice Department allowed the companies to merge on condition they abide by a range of conditions to keep ticket prices in check, including agreeing here to be barred from retaliating against venue owners who use a competing ticket service.

As ticket prices rise and the settlement is set to expire next year, the government now plans to extend the restrictions by several years and prohibit coercive conduct by Live Nation.

"Extending the restrictions" means "Stop! Or I'll say 'stop' again." But hey, baby steps.

Live Nation Consent Decree Review Requested by House Reps to DOJ

The effectiveness of the consent decree's antip-retaliation provision has been the subject of debate in recent years as its July 2020 expiration nears. Besides forcing Ticketmaster to divest several assets and temporarily license its technology to AEG, the company was barred from retaliating against venues and promoters that didn't use its technology.

"The decree gets a lot of misconception," Live Nation CEO Michael Rapino said. "It says we can't threaten venues. We can't say to a Ticketmaster venue that says they want to use a different ticketing platform, 'If you do that, we won't put shows in your building.' It also says we can do what's right for our business, so we have to put the show where we make the most economics and maybe that venue [that wants to use a different ticketing platform] won't be the best economic place anymore because we don't hold the revenue."

"Nice venue you've got there. Be a shame if something.... happened to it."

That distinction -- between retaliating against companies that go with competitors (not allowed) and rewarding clients that do go with Ticketmaster (allowed) -- critics argue has essentially given Ticketmaster the de facto monopoly position in music and the ticketing supply chain that many feared 10 years ago.

I'm old enough to remember that time in 2018 when Live Nation got caught scalping their own tickets and then literally nothing happened. But, at least some imaginary money went back to imaginary-money-heaven: "Live Nation shares fell 7.3% on Friday [...] The drop shaved about $1 billion off Live Nation's market cap, which sits around $13.8 billion."

You may recall from my earlier round-up on the corporate consolidation of live music that TicketMaster sells 80% of all tickets in the US, and their parent company, Live Nation, own 117 venues and exclusively books 33 others, including The Fillmore, The Masonic, Cobb's, Punch Line and August Hall.


Update, a week later:

Live Nation and the DOJ reached a "settlement" that does nothing but extend the time period of the consent decree, with no fine. So it goes like this:

    "You have to follow these rules for ten years."
    "Hey, you didn't follow those rules at all!"
    "Ok, now you have to follow them for another ten years. Please?"

"Live Nation's stock immediately rebounded after the story broke, up nearly 10%." So all that imaginary money came back from imaginary-money-heaven, with interest.


This Friday is the Hubba Hubba Revue Holiday Spectacular, and that reminds me of a story I don't think I've told here before.

You may be aware that most people in theatre say "break a leg" rather than "good luck". Well, here at DNA Lounge we say something else.

It is some time in the mid-oughts. One of the Hubba Hubba Revue performers is doing a bait-and-tackle show: she's doing an aerial routine where she is suspended by large meat-hooks stuck under the skin of her back. She does her routine, and as a finale, she pulls a knife out of her boot, reaches up and cuts the rope. She drops ten feet to the stage, and lays there. BOOM! Very dramatic!

Meanwhile, squatting down on the stairs to the right of the stage is the guy who was belaying her, holding the other end of the rope. Well... she never told him that this was how the act ended. So he thinks he did something wrong and now there's a dead girl on stage with her back ripped off. He's white as a sheet.

Someone goes over to him and asks if he's ok.

"I just shit my pants."
"You what??"
"I just shit my pants. I have to go."

Then he gets up, waddles out the front door, and gets in a taxi.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is why we at DNA Lounge don't say "break a leg". We say "shit your pants".

In this season of giving, won't you support DNA Lounge by increasing your donation to our Patreon? You're not going to get local live entertainment like this with your Disney Plus subscription, I'll tell you that much for sure.

Vodka, Rum and Gin for now; Whiskey will be arriving next month. The labels are by our pal R. Black. Each of them is a custom blend, and we had a few of our bartenders do a taste test to pick the mix they liked best. Our drink specials for the next few months will be our staff experimenting with cocktails that compliment the new product, so check those out!

Here are some recent photos. I haven't posted a photo round-up in a while because I was waiting for the last batch of Halloween photos to come in (the ones actually on Halloween) but I think it's time to admit that I'm never going to get those. Photographers are a fickle lot, and sometimes it's just too much 'puter for them. So here are the Halloween Week photos that have surfaced:

So Stoked
Booootie
Death Guild
Turbo Drive
And some more photos from the last couple of months:

Sequence: Sullivan King
Bootie: '80s vs. Now
Hubba Hubba: Witchcraft
Non-Binary Burlesque
Kristeen Young + Vanessa Silberman

Eyehategod
Bootie: Madonnapocalypse
The Hammerbombs + Morrissey's Cock
Hubba Hubba: Video Games
Tnght + Kučka + EPROM
The Tnght show was a pretty odd event. It was thrown by these promoters from LA called Brownies & Lemonade who only rarely do shows in other cities. They sent out an announcement saying "We're doing a show in San Francisco, and we're not telling you who's performing or where." And then the sold a thousand tickets at $40 each, in like, a day.

What.

They didn't actually announce who was performing until the event was half over, but people seemed to get what they expected I guess? Kučka was awesome! They put a ton of production into it, and brought a huge, blinding light show. And here was something that I haven't seen before: they sent us a pre-visualization of the light show based on my 3d Sketchup model of the club!

Contrary to the above renderings, the performers were wearing pants.

Happy DNA Lounge Day! This club opened on November 22, 1985. Want to see some photos of opening night?

I guess this means that our 35th Anniversary Celebration starts tomorrow and lasts 364 days. That's how this works, right?

On this anniversary, let me toot our own horn a little bit.

As San Francisco's local music scene is being systematically taken over and dismantled by the multi-billion dollar international media conglomerates AEG and Live Nation / TicketMaster, DNA Lounge holds the line as one of the city's very few remaining independently owned and operated venues. And we also have one of the most diverse lineups of any club you're going to find anywhere. It's one of the things that we are most proud of.

Of course we have our regular concerts and dance parties: we have all the metal (e.g. Goatwhore) and all the dubstep (e.g. Sequence and Wasted). And with So Stoked, we are one of the very few clubs willing to take the chance on all ages raves, giving the under-18 crowd a safe place to party. And there's Bootie, the world's greatest mashup party, which is still going strong after 16 years (and happily, attendance has been climbing lately!) And Death Guild, at 26 years old, is the nation's longest-running goth club and is still brooding and spooking it up here every Monday.

But we do so much stuff that's a lot harder to categorize, and is definitely not normal nightclub fare. Just to list a few upcoming and recent examples, in no particular order:

  • At Dorkbot last week, we had lectures on how to make your own video microscope on the cheap, as well as a kookoopants explanation about how cats are space aliens.

  • Each month we do at least five burlesque shows bringing you hilarious comedy and dance, which, really, is quite a lot.

  • Entering its eighth year here, the monthly comedy stylings of Mortified, where people read from their real teenage diaries, is still hilarious.

  • We have Dr. Sketchy's an extremely-nonstandard live figure-drawing class.

  • In a couple of weeks we have Astronomy on Tap, where real-life astronomers get drunk and tell you what they've been working on.

  • Twice a year we host Debut, a runway show by the graduating students of the Paul Mitchell school down the street: their hair designs are way more sculptural than you might expect.

  • Every year we host the Western Hemisphere's only Cocktail Robotics event.

  • You may have heard that Q Bar was recently the victim of a fire, so until they can rebuild we're hosting Bump, their weekly Wednesday gay hiphop party.

  • And though it's been a little while since we've repeated this one, who else is going to build skate ramps on their dance floor for a party celebrating the movie Hackers?

  • A couple times a year we host Mercury Soul, a very cool event that mixes a classical orchestra with DJs and electronic artists. They also host a daytime version of the show for local high school students, where the kids stage their own dance routines to it. It's amazing.

  • Then of course there's this blog. How many nightclubs do you know of that have a blog, that isn't just their calendar? For 21 years now I've been documenting in great detail the process of building and running the business, and all its ups and downs, with level of transparency that terrifies most business owners. Over the years, many industry people, both old-timers and those just starting out, have praised us for being so open and informative about how things work, and helping them avoid pitfalls and run their own business better. I've often suspected that my true mission in life is to serve as a warning to others.

  • Webcasts, we got webcasts. We have webcast every event, in both audio and video, free to watch to anyone anywhere in the world. That is nearly 6,000 events, comprising over 30,000 hours of local live entertainment.

  • One of the things I really love doing here is what I call "crossing the streams". We often have completely unrelated events in the Main Room and in Above DNA, but as often as we can, we try to mingle them together. Sometimes we just open the connecting doors and see what happens, but most often, we allow the earlier event to exit into the later event. When we have a punk show and you leave the building by walking through a candy rave first, most of those punks probably aren't going to enjoy it per se, but they might be entertained by it enough to stick around for a little longer, and they're certainly going to remember it.

    A great example of this was our sold out show with The Ocean Blue in Above DNA last week. As the band ended, we exited people into Mercury Soul. You've just seen your favorite jangly 80s dreampop band, and now you're looking over the balcony at a live string quartet performing their arrangement of Madonna's Die Another Day, what?

All the animals come to the watering hole eventually.

And so, that's what we do and that's why we do it. None of this stuff makes us any money, but we do what we must because we can. Thank you for showing up and making it possible.

Please join our Patreon to ensure that we can keep doing it.

For the financial situation remains apocalyptically dire, and we are still rushing headlong toward the cliff.


Oh yeah, today is also the 32nd anniversary of the Max Headroom broadcast signal intrusion event, so there's that!