23-Jan-2012 (Mon)
Wherein we introduce you to Superstar Tagger of the Week, Kyle Andrew Neesan.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new best friend, 20-year-old Kyle Neesan, of 160 Dublin Drive, Vallejo, CA.

At Death Guild on Jan 16 around midnight, our staff noticed new graffiti on one of our interior doors. Based on the 2-3 minute timeframe in which it had to have occurred and the small number of people around at the time, there was only one person who could have done it. They found that guy across the street and confronted him. He voluntarily emptied his pockets revealing the tools of his "trade", and he had marker stains on his fingers.

At this point, someone noticed that he had also destroyed our men's room: his fancy little pirate name was scribbled on several of the stall walls, and etched into the glass of the mirror in foot-high swoops. He also vandalized several of our table-tops. (Doesn't he have great penmanship? I'll bet his mom's really proud. If I had her email address, I'd ask.)

All told, this douchebag cost us nearly $1,000 in repairs in a matter of minutes, so we arrested him for felony vandalism.

However, when SFPD showed up, they refused to charge him because we hadn't actually seen him in the act. They let him go.

Should you run into Kyle Neesan, please be sure to let him know what you think of his hobby.

48 Responses:

  1. Rick Cooley says:

    This must be why all those European bathrooms have someone in them handing out paper towels.

  2. Patrick Berry says:

    At least you can watch him eat pavement a couple of times. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXV9_f9v9ww

  3. Lloyd says:

    If he won't get criminally charged, can you pursue a civil suit?

    • Elusis says:

      Ooh, good call. Take him to small claims court.

      • Elusis says:

        Also: pity that magazine subscription sites now want you to pay up front rather than letting you get "billed later on." Year-long subscriptions to "The Economist" are pricey.

        • Elusis says:

          Also also: If you got together several carloads of your incredibly bizarre friends and we all showed up on his lawn to speak to him in a very penetrating yet reasonable fashion, do you think we could make him cry?

          • Pavel says:

            No, but you could probably explain to the police why you're trespassing on someone's lawn.

            • Elusis says:

              Ooh er.

              Vallejo is broke. Last year they couldn't even afford the police presence to bust open street prostitution.

  4. DoctorMemory says:

    Ah, the first and best way to keep crime numbers down: refuse to admit that a crime happened.

  5. Al Iverson says:

    So, what about suing him in small claims court or something? BTW here he is on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000002587657

  6. Ben Brockert says:

    You've been running the place for this many years, and you haven't met any local crackheads and/or employees who will beat the shit out of somebody for twenty bucks?

    • Pavel says:

      Twenty bucks and a felony conviction! You'd trust a crackhead to not rat you out to the cops after they cuff him for felony assault and battery? Hah.

  7. SushiSpook says:

    As someone who, at the age of 15, was a stupid fucking little shitstain tagger (for lack of anything better to do, and at the age of 15, I didn't know shit), the response from the cops is utter bullshit. I got my assed ambushed by some gas station attendants who didn't see it either, but the cops still took me away and that was that.

    He's 20, and legally an adult. That is such horseshit.

  8. AgentCatbot says:

    I remember when I was about 3 years old. I was trained in reading and writing at a pretty early age. I remember legibly writing the mystic chant that most of us learned at an early age. I wrote EIEIO on the wall. I was very proud of this and showed my mom. My mom yelled and sent me to my room. Since then, I have never had the urge to scribble anything on a vertical surface.

  9. Paul N says:

    You've got his first three results on Google. Clever.

    • Gerald Combs says:

      Are you being sarcastic or praising Jamie for efficient time usage?

      • Paul N says:

        Praising him. I don't know whether the search engine results will
        stick, and I don't know whether the scare stories about prospective
        employers being dissuaded by unfavourable Google searches are true,
        but it's worth a shot.

    • 9 out of 10 on the first page of results for me. Pretty comprehensive!

  10. Namey says:

    Is... that a real license?

    • DoctorMemory says:

      I believe CA licenses are printed portrait-format for people under 21, to make it easy for bartenders etc to identify people they shouldn't serve.

      Sadly, there is no similar marker for "moronic douchebag who should not be let within 50 feet of any public establishment."

  11. Charles Stephens says:

    I'm guessing from street view that the address in the license is his parents' house. You _should_ ask his mom via snail mail how proud she is of her son's work. And also ask how much of a twerp they think he is.

    • Guest says:

      Exactly. If the police can't spank him, I bet mommy and daddy can provide ample hell for their overgrown delinquent son. Maybe he won't be allowed to have his girlfriend over. I'd send some information to the owners of the house as a courtesy, hahaha.

    • Guest says:

      Exactly. If the police won't spank him, I bet mommy and daddy can provide some hell for their overgrown delinquent son. Maybe he won't be given free food or be allowed to have his girlfriend over. I'd send some information and pictures to the owners of the house as a courtesy, hahaha.

      • Freddie says:

        Maybe he never had that in the first place. Stop making assumptions, you're pathetic.

    • Freddie says:

      You're amazing, your opinion matters. Keeping running your mouth. Have you ever thought that your names are also on here, and too google you guys for some revenge isnt that hard. The internet isnt as safe as you think it is. So climb off your little high horse and stop pretending like you never fucked up.

  12. bitwise says:

    It'd be a real shame if someone returned the favor and wrote his full name on the walls of his residence.

  13. Jon Dowland says:

    Good job. Let's see what google-juice his name has in a few years time, and where that leads potential employers.

  14. Shane McEwan says:

    The sad thing is that there's probably some sort of privacy law making it illegal to publish a photo of someone's driver license and I'm sure THAT law will be enforced fully.

  15. Mysterc says:

    Found a garbage can in my neighborhood with the same "tag".... I have family I need to visit in Vallejo....

    Also known as "Neesynash" check out his Flickr! its filled with pictures of his "tag".

    There has to be a way to make all of his photos redirect to the Graffiti Abatement Program.

    What would the Digital equivalent of tagging be?

  16. aczarnowski says:

    Taggers make me understand where David Banner is coming from. If I ever see one in progress I'll be hard pressed to avoid turning into a green monster and smashing the shit out of them.

  17. ninnerson says:

    I'd suggest adding the word "graffiti" to this post, to connect his name to it...

    Here's another victim:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/neesanbudz420/6746403935/

    • Jamie Zawinski says:

      Gosh, he seems to have deleted all of his graffiti photos from Flickr and Facebook. Good thing I saved a copy.

  18. Chaot sdrawkcab says:

    Yall are some stupid fucking toys snitches and bitches go fuck yourselves for posting this shit I hope your fucking stupid club goes to shit because it sucks anyways fuck you

  19. Freddie says:

    Try fighting real crime.

  20. fuggu says:

    jamie. you are going down to shit with your fuckin club. i would really watch my back if i were you...

  21. grombits says:

    Graffiti = your signature on someone else's work.