16-May-2011 (Mon)
Wherein there are some photos, and a bunch of bullshit.

Photos of the Hot Pink Feathers Ten Year Anniversary and the latest Blow Up are up now.

Things have been going pretty well lately, business-wise, but the last few weeks have been full of an above-average amount of irritating bullshit. Like...

We're still trying to work out exactly what hoops we have to jump through in order to open a couple of doors in the wall between DNA Lounge and DNA Pizza, and (while we don't know for sure yet) it's starting to sound like the handicapped-accessbility requirements might be so egregious that we won't be able to afford to do it at all. There's a strong possibility that the amount of ancillary crap we'll have to do in order to simply cut two new doors might be so expensive that it could cost as much as tearing down the building to an empty lot and starting from scratch.

We got our list of proposed liquor license conditions from SFPD and ABC (which would take effect after DNA Lounge and DNA Pizza merge), and it contains the predictable level of nonsense: thirteen new conditions beyond the conditions we already have, including one requiring video recorders, and that those recordings be given to law enforcement "upon request" (not "upon subpoena".) Now I'm pretty sure we'll be able to get that taken off without a fight, because they know I'll go to court over it and they don't want the press, but the fact that they tried to slip that one by us means (I guarantee you) that this is just part of the boilerplate set of conditions that SFPD/ABC are giving to every new licensee -- and most of them won't fight it. So, when SFPD/ABC got laughed out of the Entertainment Commission hearing for proposing this as a law, they just turned around and made it an underground regulation by attaching it to every new liquor license instead. That's their standard operating procedure for subverting the Democratic process. They've been pulling that kind of shit for decades.

There have also been an above-average number of self-entitled litigious-know-it-all jackasses amongst our customers lately. The most entertaining one was the guy who got ejected and banned after several women complained that he was taking surreptitious "up-skirt" videos of strangers without their permission. Apparently we were violating his civil rights by not letting him back in. Feel free to consult the ACLU on this, but I'm pretty sure "creep" is not a protected class.

Also, someone already stole one of the posters from the pizza place! Unbelievable. It was on a Saturday afternoon, a couple weeks ago, and they stole it out of the women's bathroom. They disassembled the frame, took the poster, and left the empty frame on the wall. It was this one, from the first monthly Hubba Hubba Revue in 2007, and that was our only remaining copy of the poster. So, thanks for that, asshole.

I wonder if the thief was actually a fan of the show, or of the artwork, or whether her thought process only went as far as, "Oh look, someone left $10 on the wall and it's not bolted down", or maybe only, "Hey, here's something I can fuck up for everybody."

This is why we can't have nice things.

16 Responses:

  1. Jim Sweeney says:

    What do you bet Upskirt Guy is roommates with the dude who tried to say he was Barry after trying to say he was you. Meanwhile, anyone who would steal a Hubba poster from the DNA Pizza bathroom does not deserve to be called a Hubb. If we find this perpetrator, we will strangle them with feather boas.

  2. Rj Johnson says:

    Feather boas or Madame Chartreuse's whips?

  3. Andrew SushiSpook says:

    Careful there RJ - you might start eliciting false confessions.

  4. Rj Johnson says:

    Not after the first one.

  5. Casey Castille Nassberg says:

    BOO, ART THIEF! BOO, BULLSHIT!

    Unintentionally adding stress to your pie-plate, any chance you might do gluten-free pizza crust at some point in the future?

  6. Chi-Kitty Baker says:

    Find em and tell em they just joined my team.... I'll take if from there.
    Muahahahahahhahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Reading your blog and spending a friend's 35th listening to one of her mates, who manages a small, music-oriented club in Wellington tell me about the half-dozen times she was assaulted in a week has caused me to add "nightclub owner" to "police officer", "child protection services" and a bunch of other jobs on my "ruining your faith in humanity" list.

  8. Dan says:

    In regards to the stolen poster: after all the years you've been in this business, and all the horror stories you've published, I'm surprised that you'd put anything in the "one-of-a-kind" class out where an asshat could get at it. That was a beautiful poster.

    • jwz says:

      Then there would be no posters on the walls at all. "Let that be a lesson to you, Son. Never try."

      • Dan says:

        I just meant you could have made a cheap copy of any unique items and put that up instead of the hard to replace original.

        • jwz says:

          Yeah, well, "Cheap copies" of that many posters would cost thousands of dollars, and look like crap. They're big, and there are a ton of them.

          • Dan says:

            I should probably stop commenting on this. A wise man once said "Let that be a lesson to you, Son. Never try."

          • fantasygoat says:

            Try contacting the original artist. I know I keep digital copies of all my poster designs in the full res versions, perhaps he might be willing to make a PDF of it for you to get a new one printed.

            • Adolf Osborne says:

              Seconded, though it's unlikely to actually work for various reasons (mostly the "perhaps he might be willing" part).

              Even my local Wal-Mart(s) have good, large-format HP inkjet printers that produces rather awesome, huge prints on good, heavy, rolled stock.

              And it's cheap enough that I have no intention of ever owning such a machine myself.

              Color calibration? Cleanliness? Maintenance? Probably not happening, for the most part, but I submit that it is perfectly OK to have public-bathroom-art posters printed at Wal-Mart.

              6-color wet offset with solid-colored inks? Nope, not happening. But then, high-res CcMmYyKk (or whatever) dithering is pretty good from more than a few inches away, usually.....

              And if the print is obviously, egregiously bad in some way, it's easy to either have them either try again, or just bail out and not pay a dime.

  9. Elizabeth Myrddin says:

    Ugh, good catch on that b.s. "upon request" condition and good to know you'll drag their asses to court over stuff like that. I'm curious as to the other additional "proposed" conditions. I'm sure it would make my head spin. Who are these dull, uptight losers on the ABC?

  10. Scott Louis says:

    I think urine samples of all patrons should be collected and saved and poured over the chief of police's head monthly or on request.