31-Dec-2008 (Wed)
Wherein we [REDACTED].

Well, 2008 has been quite a year for DNA Lounge... Let's recap. First, some good things:

  • Seven and a half years and we're still here!

  • We had a whole bunch of shows.

  • Bootie is still an unstoppable juggernaut.

  • We added the Absinthe bar.

  • The video webcast is available in Flash form as well as RealVideo.

  • After two and a half years of fighting (or seven, depending on how you count), we succeeded in negotiating the conversion of our liquor license to one that allows us to do all ages shows.

  • We won Best Dance Club in the SF Bay Guardian Best of the Bay readers poll, and a bunch of our regular events and alumni won as well.

And now some bad things. I haven't posted about most of these before, since I am surrounded by people who consider any exchange of information to be the giving of power to the enemy. So, the following is only ever so slightly redacted:

  • We hired a booker / talent buyer in order to get more live shows in here, and actually take advantage of our all ages license. The fellow we hired didn't work out, and that experiment cost a fortune. Now we're looking for a new person in order to try again. (We have some hopeful prospects, but we haven't hired anyone yet.)

  • Attendance is down around 30% this year. It's not just us; the whole industry is suffering. Blame the economy? Blame gas prices? Who knows. What I know is, it's hard to pay my staff.

  • A couple years ago, we used to do this party called ______. You may remember it as ______ _____ ______. Well, one night, _______ ___ _______. __ ________, __________, but that was the end of that party. I kicked those promoters out that night, and we haven't done an event with them since.

    What does that 2006 incident have to do with 2008, you're wondering? Well, years later, ___ ___ ___ ___ _______ is suing us. We don't even know how much they're fishing for yet.

  • Last year, we let someone put on a rather repulsive event called __________ _____ __________. ___ ________ ____ __, ___ __ _ ______ ____, ______ __ ____ _________, ___ ___ _ _____ __ _____ __ _______ __ ____ ______. It was gross. Even grosser, though, is that ___ ________ ______ ___ ______ ____ ____ ________ ____ __ _____... ___ __ __________ ____ ___ __ ___ _____ _____ ____ ____ ___ ___ __ ___ ____, ___ ___ __ ___ _____ ___ ___ ___ __ __.

    What does that 2007 incident have do with 2008, you're wondering? I'll bet you can guess: she's suing us. Why isn't she suing ___ ________, ___ ___ who actually caused ___ ______? That's a very good question.

  • Earlier this year, someone said to me, "I just had to fill out a police report, because some guy lost his ear." I asked, "How does that even happen?" The answer: "He fell down. And tore his ear off. I saw his skull."

    WTF, man.

  • Regarding both of the aforementioned suits, our insurance broker advised us that whatever we do, we shouldn't submit a claim to our insurance company, but instead should litigate on our own, because as soon as you submit a claim they raise your rates and then drop you at the end of the term. This obviously raises the question of what exactly we're paying them for. I think that what this really means is that our insurance broker is _ ____ ___ _ _____, so we submitted the claims anyway. (Trying to find non-extortionate insurance for a nightclub? Not easy.)

  • ___ __________ __ ___ ______ _______ __ _____ ___ ____ _____ ___ ________ __ _____ ____, ___ __ ______ ________ ___ ___ ______ _____ __________. But what we did get in late July was _ ________ ____ ___ _____ __ ____________ _________ ________ _______ _____ __________ ___ ________ _ __________ ______! _______, __ _ ______ ______ __ ___ ____ ____ __ ___ _____ __ ______ _____ _________ __ ___ ___________ __ ______ ___ _______, ___ ___ ____ _______ __________ ______ ____ ___ ____ for months _______ ___ ____. ____, ____ _____ ____. __ ____ __ __ ____ _____ ______ _________, ____ _ ___ _____ ____ _____, ___ __________ _____ ____ ___ _________ __ _______ _____ _____ __ _____ _____. __ _____ ___ ______ ( ____________ ____ __________, _ _____ ___) ____ __ _ ___ ____ __ ___ _________ and are shocked, shocked at ___ ________ ____ ___.

    You're probably laughing, thinking "oh, how silly", and wondering if _______ _____ __ ___ ___ ____ __ ___ _ ____ __ _ ___ _______ _____ __ _________.

    Guess again. They're trying to ______ __ ______ _______ ____ ____. ____ ___ _____ _________ __ ___ ____ ____ ABC ___ ____ _______ __ ____, ___ _______ ______ __ ___ __ ___ __ ________ _______ _______ ___ _ ____ __ _ ____ ____ __ ___ ___. And my lawyer is telling me ____ ____ ____ _ ______ ____ ______ __ __________.

Every Thursday afternoon, we have our staff meeting.

Every week, the meeting fills me with dread. My stomach is in knots before this meeting, in anticipation of all the unsatisfying answers I will get to my questions to the henchmen, and of all the bad news they will bring me. Sometimes these knots begin ten minutes after I wake up on Thursday. Sometimes they begin on Tuesday. After the meeting, I sit at home for hours vibrating, trying to distract myself from the absurdity I've just absorbed.

So, uh. That's how my year was. How was yours?

Happy New Year.

26 Responses:

  1. porphyre says:

    Aw. I should have given you a hug when I was there, even though we're strangers, because damn. I know what that sort of litigous hell can be like, and it's the least fun experience possible that's still legal.

  2. chromebishop says:

    It really should not be that hard. I mean, you are providing a service to the people of the bay area. Its pretty basic. Theres not much to it that needs explaining. I understand the lawsuit thing. There are grubbers who will swing for whatever they can get. Hopefully, their suit is laughed out of court. but its a shame that there is so much Challenge to what you are trying to do. a damn shame. i can only hope that frivolous lawsuits will get tossed and you can continue doing what you do. (quite a lot of whiskey was consumed before this reply so please forgive me if I make no sense whatsoever)(yeah. reading it over, im quit torn whether i should POST or DELETE....)Sorry, posting....

  3. joel says:

    Without putting much thought into the idea, it seems to me that this is the sort of thing you could post encrypted, and then publish the key for after it's all over?

  4. greatevil says:

    The lawsuit thing is easy. If you are suing for X your lawyer if they are any good will name urxyz because you can't really add more people to sue after you get rolling or sue one person and then the next.

    Nothing sane about it, just how they play their litigious games.

  5. radparker says:

    Gah, that sucks about the lawsuits.

  6. unwoman says:

    I feel for ya. :(

    • icis_machine says:

      word. i take this as a recommendation to stay out of the nightclub game.

      and i have a guess at which event was listed as "gross", but i won a helmet that night.

  7. el_olvidado says:

    for what its worth. dna has some of my best memories of the pathetic thing we call 2008. thanks for making it happen.

  8. kaishaku says:

    Re: the ear thing and the flimsy-sounding explanation -- does that mean he misbehaved towards the staff and the DNA is actually a much rougher place than I could have ever imagined?

  9. ammonoid says:

    Wow that sucks that you guys are getting sued that much. :(

    Happy new year.

  10. charles says:

    Insurance companies are basically made from distilled evil.

    An old employer of mine was sued and, having diligently paid its professional indemnity premiums for all the years of its existence, referred the problem to its insurer. The insurance company's response was "You're covered if you win. If you lose, better get used to grabbing hold of your ankles. Oh and we'll supply you with one of our lawyers, but he's really representing our interests, not yours, so you'd better hire one yourself too."

    • strspn says:

      Now that AIG and the other belly-up insurers are wrapped in the TARP, they are made of evil distilled from your taxes.

  11. mysterc says:

    damn. I mean really? Damn.

    BTW, I still have copies of my incident reports if you need them.

  12. Some of that stuff makes me wonder if you still think buying the place was a good idea.

  13. jesus_x says:

    Yo dawg, I heard you like [redacted], so we [redacted] in your [redacted] so you can [redacted] while you [redacted].