Well, 2008 has been quite a year for DNA Lounge... Let's recap. First, some good things:

• Seven and a half years and we're still here!

• We had a whole bunch of shows.

• Bootie is still an unstoppable juggernaut.

• We added the Absinthe bar.

• The video webcast is available in Flash form as well as RealVideo.

• After two and a half years of fighting (or seven, depending on how you count), we succeeded in negotiating the conversion of our liquor license to one that allows us to do all ages shows.

• We won Best Dance Club in the SF Bay Guardian Best of the Bay readers poll, and a bunch of our regular events and alumni won as well.

And now some bad things. I haven't posted about most of these before, since I am surrounded by people who consider any exchange of information to be the giving of power to the enemy. So, the following is only ever so slightly redacted:

• We hired a booker / talent buyer in order to get more live shows in here, and actually take advantage of our all ages license. The fellow we hired didn't work out, and that experiment cost a fortune. Now we're looking for a new person in order to try again. (We have some hopeful prospects, but we haven't hired anyone yet.)

• Attendance is down around 30% this year. It's not just us; the whole industry is suffering. Blame the economy? Blame gas prices? Who knows. What I know is, it's hard to pay my staff.

• A couple years ago, we used to do this party called ______. You may remember it as ______ _____ ______. Well, one night, _______ ___ _______. __ ________, __________, but that was the end of that party. I kicked those promoters out that night, and we haven't done an event with them since.

  What does that 2006 incident have to do with 2008, you're wondering? Well, years later, ___ ___ ___ ___ _______ is suing us. We don't even know how much they're fishing for yet.

• Last year, we let someone put on a rather repulsive event called __________ _____ __________. ___ ________ ____ __, ___ __ _ ______ ____, ______ __ ____ _________, ___ ___ _ _____ __ _____ __ _______ __ ____ ______. It was gross. Even grosser, though, is that ___ ________ ______ ___ ______ ____ ____ ________ ____ __ _____... ___ __ __________ ____ ___ __ ___ _____ _____ ____ ____ ___ ___ __ ___ ____, ___ ___ __ ___ _____ ___ ___ ___ __ __.

  What does that 2007 incident have do with 2008, you're wondering? I'll bet you can guess: she's suing us. Why isn't she suing ___ ________, ___ ___ who actually caused ___ ______? That's a very good question.

• Earlier this year, someone said to me, "I just had to fill out a police report, because some guy lost his ear." I asked, "How does that even happen?" The answer: "He fell down. And tore his ear off. I saw his skull."

  WTF, man.

• Regarding both of the aforementioned suits, our insurance broker advised us that whatever we do, we shouldn't submit a claim to our insurance company, but instead should litigate on our own, because as soon as you submit a claim they raise your rates and then drop you at the end of the term. This obviously raises the question of what exactly we're paying them for. I think that what this really means is that our insurance broker is _ ____ ___ _ _____, so we submitted the claims anyway. (Trying to find non-extortionate insurance for a nightclub? Not easy.)

• ___ __________ __ ___ ______ _______ __ _____ ___ ____ _____ ___ ________ __ _____ ____, ___ __ ______ ________ ___ ___ ______ _____ __________. But what we did get in late July was _ ________ ____ ___ _____ __ ____________ _________ ________ _______ _____ __________ ___ ________ _ __________ ______! _______, __ _ ______ ______ __ ___ ____ ____ __ ___ _____ __ ______ _____ _________ __ ___ ___________ __ ______ ___ _______, ___ ___ ____ _______ __________ ______ ____ ___ ____ for months _______ ___ ____. ____, ____ _____ ____. __ ____ __ __ ____ _____ ______ _________, ____ _ ___ _____ ____ _____, ___ __________ _____ ____ ___ _________ __ _______ _____ _____ __ _____ _____. __ _____ ___ ______ ( ____________ ____ __________, _ _____ ___) ____ __ _ ___ ____ __ ___ _________ and are shocked, shocked at ___ ________ ____ ___.

  You're probably laughing, thinking "oh, how silly", and wondering if _______ _____ __ ___ ___ ____ __ ___ _ ____ __ _ ___ _______ _____ __ _________.

  Guess again. They're trying to ______ __ ______ _______ ____ ____. ____ ___ _____ _________ __ ___ ____ ____ ABC ___ ____ _______ __ ____, ___ _______ ______ __ ___ __ ___ __ ________ _______ _______ ___ _ ____ __ _ ____ ____ __ ___ ___. And my lawyer is telling me ____ ____ ____ _ ______ ____ ______ __ __________.

Every Thursday afternoon, we have our staff meeting.

Every week, the meeting fills me with dread. My stomach is in knots before this meeting, in anticipation of all the unsatisfying answers I will get to my questions to the henchmen, and of all the bad news they will bring me. Sometimes these knots begin ten minutes after I wake up on Thursday. Sometimes they begin on Tuesday. After the meeting, I sit at home for hours vibrating, trying to distract myself from the absurdity I've just absorbed.

So, uh. That's how my year was. How was yours?

Happy New Year.