18-Dec-2014 (Thu)
Wherein we found your phone.

Why was the DNA Pizza women's toilet backed up?
Because you flushed your iPhone:

AppleCare is totally going to be able to tell that you got it wet.
It was in there like, elbow-deep. (That's what she said.)

Bootie: Wrestling
Author & Punisher
Glass Animals + Royal Blood
Smoke Season
Hubba Hubba: Toys
3 Teeth
Yes, we set up a full-sized wrestling rink at Bootie a few weeks ago. It's been a while since we've done that. We all miss ISW a lot, so I brought some tortillas to throw at U.S. Steele for old time's sake.

By the way, we still have some of those Glass Animals / Royal Blood posters for sale. Just ten measly dollars. Christmas themed and everything!

And registration is now open for the Second Annual Cocktail Robotics Grand Challenge, on Sunday, July 12, 2015. That's quite a ways off, but we wanted to give people a lot more time to prepare their robots this year.

So tell your friends, ok?

Last year was pretty great. Go relive it through the magic of video.

If you haven't gotten your tickets for New Year's Eve yet, you should do that soon. You've already missed the "early bird" price, and it's going to go up again soon. And it's going to sell out. For real.

Thanks to RAINPOCALYPSE FOURTEEN, we're plugging up our floor drains with these tonight, so that when the storm drains overflow our floors won't get covered in jets of projectile poop:

This is only necessary because San Francisco is one of the few cities that doesn't have separate sewers and storm drains. This is, to put it gently, not a solid plan.

Also, the new walls have arrived, the new walls have arrived:

You people are drinking so much beer that we're doubling the size of our walk-in refrigerator. It's getting built some time in the next few weeks. That may result in a week of downtime during which we don't have any draft beer. But after that, so much beer. So much.

I'm trying something new and stupid with our long-suffering video webcast.

As you may recall, the video webcast has been largely down since Justin.tv shut down. I don't have any good replacement options. I looked at dozens of streaming providers, and except for two, they are all either really expensive, or spam the viewers with commercials all the time. The two services that don't are Streamup and Youtube.

So I was using Streamup, and it sucked, because they're just really, really bad at running their service. Literally weeks of unexplained downtime. Even after I tracked down the actual engineers to talk to and gave them easily reproducible test cases, all I got was, "Huh, that's funny."

Then I tried Youtube, and that's a non-starter because as soon as music starts playing, they Content-ID us, shut down the stream, and threaten hellfire damnation and an airstrike if those DJs don't stop playing other peoples' music right now.

So I got out the duct tape...

The video webcast is now streaming via Youtube, but it's streaming there silently -- video only -- so that their robots have nothing to complain about. Also, the page with the video embed on it has a second embed of our audio player, streaming the audio webcast from the DNA site.

Downside: There's no chance that audio and video will ever be in sync.

Upside: It kinda... sorta... works?

It looks like the audio is between 15 and 25 seconds ahead of the video, but your mileage will surely vary.

"There. I fixed it."

Last night we threw out a girl for pissing on the floor. That almost never happens. But there she was, pants down, squatting on the floor in the green room and letting it fly.

    "Why are you throwing me out?"
    "You pissed on my floor!"
    "No I didn't!"
    "I SAW YOU PISSING ON MY FLOOR."
    "But... I had to go."

Then she stood outside and argued about it for an hour. She wanted us to know that "I'm just here for like, the music?" and "My friends are inside", and "I didn't disrespect you." She kept in on that last one for a while.

Usually what happens when we throw a guy out for bladder control issues is that one of his friends puffs up and comes over and says, "Bro, why'd you throw my friend out, bro?" and we say, "Your friend pissed on the floor", and they say, "He... he... um... Ok, you have a good night," and that's the end of it. Not this young lady.

There was also some 22-year-old jock jackass who got thrown out for who-knows-what who wanted to spend a long time telling us how important he was in "the scene" and how we "didn't know who we were messing with" and how he'd "been doing this for a long time." Sam said, "I guarantee you I've been doing this longer." It took the guy a minute to process that, and he retorted, "Yeah cause I'm not like fifty!" Oh snap. You been told.

Last night was our last (this time for sure) Go Derp. I can't say I'm gonna miss it. It was nice having a mid-week dance party, but with the turnout they were getting it was only barely worth opening the doors, and there was so much jock bro bullshit. They're "upgrading" from our 800-capacity 18+ room to Monarch's 100-capacity 21+ room. Monarch is owned by the guy who got us sued over his gross Chocolate Syrup Wrestling event and left us holding the bag, so, you know, I hope they're very happy together.

Some recent photos:

Dead Sara
Abney Park
Velvet Acid Christ
Nekrogoblikon
Intronaut
The Flavr Blue
Bootie
Bootie
Hubba Hubba Revue: Crime
Monday Night Hubba
Go Deep: Shiba San
Go Deep: Christian Martin

How much more Hubba could there be? The answer is none. None more Hubba.

Since the Uptown has closed, Hubba Hubba Revue have moved their weekly Monday night show to Above DNA, starting tonight! This is in addition to their regular monthly show here, which is this Friday.

Monday Night Hubba is over by about 11:45, so I expect to see all of you staggering downstairs to Death Guild afterward. That's what we call "synergy".

And with that, you can start making your New Year's Eve plans.

Booootie
Go Deep Halloween
All Hallow's Eve
Bootie Day of the Dead
I want to draw special attention to the fact that our entire bar staff dressed as smurfs!

Also, some live shows:

Suffocation
Cyanotic
Lagwagon
Bad Rabbits

Barry was cleaning up and found these old tickets. Note the date!

He says he's pretty sure that the second ticket was actually mine, because his girlfriend didn't like the band.

When I showed this photo to some folks last night, their reactions ranged from "Who?" to "I was in high school" to "I wasn't born yet." Me, I was just about to start writing the web browser that your parents used to use.

It was a really good show. Anyway, photos!

Bootie
Go Deep
Hubba Hubba
United Defiance
Bootie
Odd Salon
Chuck Palahniuk

Tonight: Odd Salon is in the big room!

And do you have your tickets for Halloween yet? It's selling fast. You should get advance tickets unless you like standing in line.

15-Oct-2014 (Wed)
Wherein we're the best!

We won some stuff in SFBG 's Best of the Bay, again, but I can't link to it, because as you may have heard, The Guardian abruptly shut down the other day, taking their web site down at the same time (always a classy move).

I kinda saw that coming, because for only the second time ever they had actually booked their awards party at DNA (you know, the club that has won "best club" in their little poll basically forever), and they cancelled it at the last minute. That's what we call "the writing on the wall."

Anyway, if you find an actual paper copy of it, you'll see that we won:

    Best Overall Party Venue: DNA Lounge
    Best Overall Dance Party: Bootie SF
    Best Drag Show: Trannyshack
    Best Burlesque Show: Hubba Hubba Revue

So, hooray! Congratulations to everyone who makes those events awesome.

Those are the "Reader's Poll" winners, of course. Dr. Kingfish brings the snark:

The editors made sure all the "Best Place To Do A Cutesie-Sounding Thing We Completely Made-Up" and "Best Thing That Is The Name of The Thing We're Saying Is The Best At It" went to other stuff and other places. Also, the reader's poll gave "Best Late Night Eating" to Grub Steak because apparently it's 2002.

Sadly, we are only loved and adored by actual people.

Hey, photos:

Go Deep
Go Deep
Go Deep: T. Williams
Go Deep: Wood Holly
Hubba Hubba: Eighth Anniversary
Trannyshack: Kylie Minogue
Bootie: `90s
Bootie: Black & Blue Ball
Bootie: Oktoberfest
Skeletonwitch
Seshollowaterboyz
Point Break

These posters are for sale! How's your costume coming along?

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Yesterday at the AIDS Emergency Fund Benefit I learned about a fetish with which I was previously unfamiliar: "piss puppy". This is where a guy in a piss-stained jock strap pretends to be a non-housebroken puppy and pees everywhere, and his partner hits him with a rolled up newspaper and yells "No!"

I learned about this because the guy tried to pee off the balcony and onto the people below.

Later that night, at Bootie, Arlo told me: "Someone re-inflated the pirate. They picked up a flat pirate off of a nightclub floor and put their mouth on it." I said, "Well it is Folsom Street Fair. It might not be the dirtiest thing they've blown this weekend." *

(Those pirates never last the night, by the way. They buy them from China in lots of a thousand.)

And shortly thereafter, as pictured, all of our toilets exploded. It was backing up everywhere, the floor was a lake, oh the humanity. I was having PTSD flashbacks to Chocolate Syrup Wrestling.

And that was only yesterday. Once more unto the breach...